What is the Met Gala?

It seems like it would be a nightmare to attend on hallucinogens.

Jared Leto is Karl Lagerfeld’s cat at the 2023 Met Gala.

What is the Met Gala?

Is there an actual gala? I was under the impression it was just a carpet walk across fancy stairs.

Wikipedia, the world’s free encyclopedia, defines The Met Gala as an “annual fundraising gala for the benefit of the Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute in New York City” — which is wild, because just the other day I was thinking to myself, “I hope the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s Costume Institute in New York City has enough funds.” 

But what even is a costume institute? Is that where rappers get their fancy masks? The Met is a hotel, right? What exactly is a gala? After they take all those pictures, do they just send everyone home? All of these questions must be answered.

Doja Cat is also Karl Lagerfeld’s cat at the 2023 Met Gala.

Turns out, The Metropolitan Museum of Art is one of the world's largest and finest art museums, and the Met Gala itself is chaired by none other than Vogue’s editor-in-chief, Anna Wintour, who oversees the guest list. Every year, Vogue staffers assist Ms. Wintour in assembling the exclusive list of invitees, then that list is distributed to designers who have been chosen to partake in the event, and unless one of those designers chooses your name off that list to wear their work on the carpet, you’re a peasant and can fuck right off. If selected, you'll be dressed by that designer in a super silly outfit they feel is appropriate for the theme, and wearing their design is your ticket to the event and eternal damnation.

This year’s theme is “Karl Lagerfeld: A Line of Beauty.” What? I had to Google “Karl Lagerfeld,” because I am uncultured swine, and it turns out Karl was the creative director of the French fashion house Chanel from 1983 until his death in 2019 and was also creative director of Italian fur and leather goods fashion house Fendi. He was a really creative guy.

At this year’s Meta Gala, which is taking place as I type, both Jared Leto and Doja Cat chose to dress as Karl Lagerfeld’s cat named “Choupette,” who is still alive yet could not be bothered to attend the event herself. On that note, in a 2013 interview with CNN, Lagerfeld announced that he wished to marry Choupette. According to the New York Times, when Lagerfeld was alive, Choupette flew private with him, had her own iPad, and took her meals from three Goyard dishes. His fucking cat.

The Met Gala has been called "the jewel in New York City's social crown" which almost makes you a terrible person by default if you’re present, and the solo reason I use the word “almost” is Frank Ocean. Tables are rumored to be roughly $200-300k, but Yahoo reportedly paid $3,000,000 for two tables in 2015. 

Who knew Yahoo was still around and blowing bags on tables? What an absurd amount of energy, effort, and money to put toward making a group of people who already look great all the time look goofy as hell for one night. If you even acknowledge the existence of the homeless, you can’t in good conscience attend The Met Gala. I mean you literally cannot attend — like how the vampires in True Blood can’t come inside unless invited. 

In 2021, ASAP Rocky showed up wrapped in a fertility quilt made by my late great-grandmother, Grimes brought a sword made out of an AR-15, and somehow that wasn’t the most absurd accessory, because Frank Ocean brought a green alien baby. That was the same year Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez wore a white gown which said “TAX THE RICH” in huge red letters down the entire backside. This one paragraph shows you how insane the Met Gala is in a nutshell.

Just to be clear, you’re all aware any one of us is allowed to dress like a proper idiot whenever we want? I’m a 35-year-old suburban American man who dresses like a teenage Japanese hypebeast on the daily. You don’t need a gala or Anna Wintour’s permission to look like a doofus. Plus, I’ve never seen Adam Sandler on The Met Gala red carpet. If Mr. Sandler isn’t there, fashion is not being properly represented. The entire thing is a fuckin' sham.

It is my personal belief that the Met Gala was spawned from Satan's two-hole after Lady Gaga showed up to the 2010 VMAs in a meat dress.